托福写作:如何避免写作当中的指代不明问题
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托福写作:如何避免写作当中的指代不明问题
在英语当中,代词是用来代替名词或者一个句子的词。代词可以在一定程度上让英语的表达变得简介。我们在写作时会自然而然使用一些代词。可是许多同学意识不到,自己在使用代词的时候,已经犯了一种“指代不明”错误。
指代不明,顾名思义,就是作者在使用代词时产生了歧义,导致读者无法确认该代词指代的到底是什么内容,进而误导了读者对文章的理解。美国人对于学术类文章(包括托福等标准化考试的文章)的一大要求就是要具体而细致,并且我们可以看到ETS官方指南在写作部分的评分标准当中,也多次提到了“vague”“obscure”等词,说明会使文章模棱两可的“指代不明”必然影响了作文的分数。那么该如何避免在写作中出现指代不明的问题呢?
首先,我们来看一个指代不明的具体案例,让大家明确什么叫做指代不明。
题目出自TPO33的综合写作。其中阅读材料指出,研究人员在苏格兰地区发现了一些上有雕刻的古代石球,并提出了三种石球可能的用途。其中第二种提到石球可能是用于作为计量重量的物品。而听力文章则指出,这些石球虽然大小一致,但因为材质不同而导致质量不同,不可能作为统一的计量单位。以下是一位同学练习时所写的TPO33套综合写作的一篇作答文章节选:
The speaker then goes on to oppose the second point of the reading material, which the stoneballs are used as a system of measure. They use the stone balls to know the weight of the things. They have this viewpoint because of the stone balls are the same size at 70mm in diameter. According to the lecture, although they have the same size,their weights are different and made of different type of stone. The ball could not have been used as a primitive weighting system.
暂且忽略这位同学其他的语病,我们能够看出其实他已经基本掌握了阅读和听力部分的要点。但是这段作答读下来仍然非常吃力、不便理解,一大原因就是代词使用不当,使得文章出现了诸多歧义。我将这位同学在这段话中使用的其中四个代词用不同颜色表示。在我批改这段文字的过程中很难判断这四个they(their)分别指代的是什么内容。通过向这位同学求证,我得知他的本意:红色they指的是古代创造并使用石球的人;蓝色they指的是发现石球的研究人员;绿色的they/their指的则是石球。这短短三句话中出现了指代三种不同人/物的同一个单词,其中没有任何过渡或段落分割,想必除了原作者本人,世界上很难有第二个人能理解它们分别代替的是什么内容了吧(事实是这位同学也是懵X了不少时间才反应过来自己想指代的是谁……)。自然,如果这是一篇实考作文,ETS评分人员肯定会因为这个指代不明的问题扣这位同学的分数。
好了,当我们已经明白什么叫做指代不明,那么该如何避免犯错呢?其实步骤也很简单:
1.写作时要明确自己想要用代词指代的内容到底是什么;
2.确认这个内容在之前一句或本句话当中存在;
3.确认上下文中没有可能造成歧义的混淆项;
4.如果有违背了以上几条的情况,请乖乖用原本的名词/短语/句子来表达所指内容。
再次提醒,如果想用代词所指的内容是在之前相隔若干句出现的,或者所指内容周围有其他单复数一致的混淆项目(例如:Look at the boys and girls! How happy they are!中,不能用they单独指代boys或girls,因为boys和girls互为混淆项),请不要嫌麻烦,乖乖使用具体的名词/短语/句子来描述本来想用代词所指的内容。若担心出现重复的问题,可以换一些说法。
现在我们把之前那段含有指代不明问题的段落重新措辞(其中最后一个their可以保留,因为之前该句话中已经出现了它所要指代的the stone balls,不会产生歧义):
The speaker then goes on to oppose the second point of the reading material, which the stone balls are used as a system of measure. The ancient people usethe stone balls to know the weight of the things. The researchers have this viewpoint because of the stone balls are the same size at 70mm indiameter. According to the lecture, although the stoneballs have the same size, their weights are different and made of different type of stone. The ball could not have beenused as a primitive weighting system.
虽然其余语病还保留,但现在再看这段话,应该在大意上已经能够理解作者的表达了,不会像之前出现让人头晕眼花的歧义。
另外要说明的是,解决指代不明的问题不仅仅要靠小心,也要依靠熟练的语感来自动避开或纠正。因此,平时多读、多听、多说、多写、多多暴露在英语的使用环境下,也是很重要的提分途径。这是一个很漫长的积累过程,大家一定要坚持下去!Remember, practice makes perfect!
托福写作:如何写一个topic sentence(主题句)?
所谓托福写作主题句(topic sentence, 也有人叫它中心句),就是独立写作主体段中统领全文的那个句子,也就是表述在独立写作头脑风暴和谋篇布局时候想到的“主要理由”或者“论点”的那个句子。通常一篇托福独立写作有三个主题句。
例如在题目“Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is betterto work in large companies than in small ones.”,选择agree,三个主题句可以是:
The first reason is that a large company can provide more opportunities to develop one’s ability
Another reason for choosing a big company involves welfare.
A third reason is that one who appreciates the unique culture of abig enterprise will become a more responsible person to the society.
在托福写作中,三个主题句可以说是作文中最重要的一组句子,因为主题句对段落起到“提纲挈领”的作用,同时对整篇文章的结构清晰度和文章逻辑性也至关重要。
如何将这个理由“完整”“清晰”“出彩”的表达出来就是本文讨论的话题。
首先,每段主题句通常都位于段首,紧跟于“first, second, third”这些“信号词”之后。除此之外还需要注意以下几点。
丨简明扼要
主题句需要让读者看到之后能够快速、准确地把握本段的主要内容。这要求我们在写主题句的时候,一方面内容要简单,另一方面用语要凝练。
先来看一个反面例子:
“First and foremost, television, invented in the last century, withits wide availability and increasingly prosperous programs ,becomes one of the most powerful means of communication in history, and is more and more difficult to ignore”
这个主题句涵盖的内容太多,读完这个句子,读者根本不明白本段是要陈述电视节目蓬勃发展(increasingly prosperous program), 要强调电视是最强力的交流工具(the most powerful means of communication in history),还是要论证电视不可被忽视(difficult to ignore),这就是一个典型的内容太复杂的主题句。
再看一个反例:
“First of all, following the new customs can show a sense of respect,which can allow a better and faster adaption inside the local population so that they make more friends.”
这个句子也有两个论点:表示尊重(show a sense of respect),扩大社交(make more friends),同样也使读者不能抓住本段的主要内容。
如何避免这种错误,使主题句内容简单呢?很简单,首先做到每个主题句有且只有一个论点。论点就是指我们头脑风暴时候想到的那些“key words”,比如健康,安全,情感等等,每段写一个,不要把健康和安全放在同一个段落,也不要把情感和成功放在同一个段落。
例如上面第二个例子,我们只需要删去一个论点,就可以变得非常简洁:
“To start with, accepting cultures in the foreign country is an indispensable element that contributes to the expansion of social circle.”这是一个简洁的主题句,只有扩大社交(contributes to the expansion of social circle)这一个论点。
论点唯一还不一定能完全做到简洁,来看另一个反例:
“The first reason why letting children care for animals isnot the best way to teach them about responsibility is that it could negatively impact a child’s health.”
这句话虽然只有一个论点,可是用语太繁杂,让人头晕。主题句的语法不建议太复杂,建议大家把花式操作留到其他部分去秀,在主题句,只要写一些简单句,例如:“First, raising pets will exert a negative impact on a child’shealth.”就行了。
丨不是陈述事实
来看下面两个句子:
A: “First, some children might be infected by feeding animals.”
B: “First, raising pets could negatively impact a child’s health.”
哪一个是好的主题句呢?
答案是B。
因为A句的内容是一个“纯粹的事实”,而B句则是“抽象的概念”(exert negative impact),换言之,A句可以作为B句的例子,但B句不能作为A句的例子。
陈述事实的句子是不能作为主题句的,事实是不言自明的。不言自明,也就不需要后面的文字来“论证”了。主题句需要写“a sentence that you could give examples for”,而不能写一个 “example”。
来练习判断下面几组句子中哪一个可以做主题句呢?
A: “Second, the academic performance of some children becomes poor after they are responsible for caring for a pet.”
B:“Second, caring for a pet could disrupt a child’s regular studies.”
A: “First, people could learn how to communicate with eachother through participating in community activities”
B: “First, participating in community activities is apractical and effective approach to enhance their social skills.”
A: “First, letting children take care of animal is a good suggestion for the reason that kids like animals.”
B: “To start with, raising pets fill friendship vacuums and satisfy people’s need to nurture"
(答案:三组都是B句较好)
丨使用高级词汇
很多同学要问,如果主题句中不建议使用复杂句型,又不能出现多层结构,那如何显示自己的语言功力呢?要知道我们展示语言能力的地方并非只有复杂的句型,丰富和精准的词汇使用,同样可以展示英语的专业程度。比如
“First, go to museums can teach people different kinds of knowledge”
→ “First, visiting museums provide people with an opportunity to comprehend a vast amount of knowledge”
想想看,如果原本句子中只会写“good”之处,替换为“advantageous, beneficial, effective, efficacious, favorable,invaluable, rewarding, unparalleled, unprecedented”等等词汇,效果是不是更好呢?如果多次出现“important”的地方,改写为“central, critical ,crucial, decisive, essential, pivotal, primary,principal, vital,a key to, an indispensable part, play a pivotal role, attach great importance to”会不会增加可读性呢?
在平时的阅读中,注意积累一些“高级词汇”,准确掌握词义,并且刻意练习使用这些词汇,逐渐就会取得不错的托福写作成绩。
升级!9种花样句型,搞定托福高分写作!
1.定语从句
写作中最常用的句型之一,可以将两个简单句轻松地连接成一个漂亮的复杂句。
例如,下面的这两个句子用上定语从句。
Bad books contain evil thoughts. In them, there might be much description about violence,superstition, and sex.
→ Bad books, in which there might be much description about violence, superstition, and sex, contain evil thoughts.
2. 状语从句
写作中常用的是以下五种状语从句,即原因状语从句,让步状语从句,条件状语从句,时间状语从句和目的状语从句。
【原因状语从句】
常由because, as, since和for引导。
Eg: Nonetheless, I am still in favor of space travel, for its merits far outweigh demerits.
尽管如此,我还是赞成太空探险,因为它的好处远远大于坏处。
【让步状语从句】
常由although, though, even though/ if, as long as和notwithstanding引导。
Eg: Although this view is wildly held, this is little evidence that education can be obtained at any age and at any place.
尽管这一观点被广泛接受,很少有证据表明教育能够在任何地点、任何年龄进行。
【条件状语从句】
常由if, on the condition that和providing that引导。
Eg: If you want to achieve something or intend to fulfill one of your ambitions, you must work hard, make efforts and get prepared.
假如你要取得成就或要实现你的雄心壮志,你必须努力工作、艰苦奋斗、准备好条件。
【 时间状语从句】
常由when和while引导。
Eg: When it comes to education, the majority of people believe that education is a lifetime study.
说到教育,大部分人认为其是一个终生的学习。
【 目的状语从句】
常由so that和in order that引导。
Eg: Millions of people have to spend more time and energy on studying new skills and technology so that they can keep a favorable position in job market.
成千上万的人们不得不花费更多的精力和时间学习新的技术和知识,使得他们在就业市场能保持优势。
3. 宾语从句
Eg: Some people claim that government should be mainly responsible for the environmental pollution.
一些人认为政府应对环境污染负主要责任。
Eg: Many experts point out that, along with the development of modern society, it is an inevitableresult and there is no way to avoid it.
许多专家指出这是现代社会发展必然的结果,无法避免。
4. 同位语从句
Eg: It is an undeniable fact that environmental pollution becomes increasingly serious.
环境污染变得越来越严重是不可否认的事实。
Eg: No one can deny the basic fact that it is impossible for average workers to master those high-technology skills easily.
没有人能否认这一基本事实:对于一般工人来讲,轻松掌握这些技术是不可能的。
5. 主语从句
Eg: What has caught our attention is /It is noticeable that the environment in both the rural and urban areas is deteriorating.
值得注意的是农村和城市的生态环境都在不断恶化。
Eg: It is universally acknowledged that environmental pollution becomes one of the most serious problems in China or even the world as a whole.
众所周知,环境污染问题是中国乃至世界面临的最为严重的问题之一。
6. 强调句
句式:It is + 被强调的内容 + that
Eg: It is cars and factories that release a great deal of gases, polluting the environment.
汽车和工厂排放大量的废气,使得环境被污染。
7. 被动语态
Eg: Every means should be tried to protect the environment on which people live.
人们应竭尽全力来保护我们赖以生存的环境。
8. 分词结构
包括现在分词和过去分词。
Eg: Tourism, which is a rising industry, has become the major source of economy, playing crucial role in many Asian countries.
旅游业是一个新兴的行业,它成为经济的主要来源, 在很多东南亚国家起着尤为重要的作用。
Eg: To be more specific, government should stage some relevant laws or regulations to severely punish the factory producing a great number of pollutants and the people littering or spittingdeliberately.
具体来说,政府应该出台相关法律法规对制造大量污染物的工厂及故意乱扔垃圾、随地吐痰的人进行严惩。
9. 插入语
一种独立成分,与句子的其它成分一般没有语法上的关系,大都是对一句话作一些附加说明或解释。它通常由一个词、一个短语或一个句子构成,位置较为灵活,可置于句首、句中或句末,一般用逗号或破折号与句子隔开。
Eg: Computer, an indispensable part in our life, has brought us great conveniences.
电脑,我们生活中必不可少的一部分,给我们带来了极大的方便。
Eg: College students, lacking social experience, are easily cheated.
大学生,没有社会经验,容易上当受骗。
这些就是托福写作的一些小技巧啦,你学到了吗?
托福写作:如何避免写作当中的指代不明问题相关文章:
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